You can't make it up

As I am making dinner tonight, this is what I hear:

(Scuffle, push, whine)

Max: OWWWWW!!

...pause

Calvin: (scream of outrage followed by crying)

Me: Boys...? What is going on down there??

Max: Calvin BIT me!

(stomp, stomp, stomp, here comes Mama...)

Me: Calvin! Why did you bite your brother??

Calvin: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

Me: Max, what did YOU do that caused Calvin to bite you?

Max: Cal and Spence were fighting, I was just breaking it up.

Me:...ok, so what did YOU do that has made him cry now?

Max: I squeezed him... as hard as I could....

Me: Max, you can't do that, even if he bites you... where did you squeeze him?

Max:... uhm... his head.

Who gets the punishment on this one???