Thursday, September 4, 2008

Don't bring me down

This weekend was full of what seemed to me to be "false alarms." Many contractions that were certainly on the uncomfortable side, but nothing that turned into anything. There were other signs I will keep to myself for fear of grossing out the reading public, but I was getting very hopeful. After realizing I really didn't want to miss Max getting on the bus to Kindergarten, I tempered my enthusiasm long enough to get him going... then I marched off to my OB appointment to see just how much progress had been made.

Last week I was dilated 1 cm, and that little head wasn't really pushing down much.

This week, I was dilated 1 cm, and that little head wasn't really pushing down much.

My OB called in one of her colleagues, given that she is the queen of stripping membranes. She basically couldn't even attempt it and said "Oh, this one isn't ready yet... how far along are you??"

Let the many hours of complete disappointment begin. We started discussing if and when to schedule my repeat c-section instead of ever going into labor. Ever. Ever again in my life. This is the last hurrah, my last chance at having that "Honey, I think it's happening now!" moment. I know to some that sounds stupid, and they likely would have already had a c-section and be holding their baby... but that isn't what I wanted.

Granted, life frequently doesn't hand you what you wanted (how many times have I already said that to my children). I guess I am just born to birth healthy term (and late) babies. My due date is Monday. So, after a long nap and some zen-like thinking yesterday, I am trying to be calm and cool with whatever happens. I have completely ramped down my eagerness, and now just hope to avoid the section if possible. We also have the freedom to say "go" at any time since I am repeat section... very strange. And my dad leaves when I am 40wks and 6 days... seems stupid to not have the baby before he goes.

So these are the things I am thinking about as I sit at work, hoping that mother nature will take this choice right out of my hands in the next few days. Afterall, Grandma arrives tomorrow, and Grandparent's day is Sunday. Maybe this little one is just good at saving up all the fireworks for one big day.

3 comments:

yobruno said...

oh sister. i am sending you some coping strength from my front porch (which is where i happen to be sitting--not the place where i like to send coping strength from...). anyway, if it wouldn't have been near impossible with my girth, i would have crawled the walls at the end of my pregnancy with paige. she came 12 days late, and i was going for a BAC, so kept having the same the-hell-with-waiting-cut-me-open thoughts you seem to be toying with. hang in there. try with all your might to savor life as a family of 5 before that all changes. and the worst is not getting phone calls. people start to fear you'll be annoyed that they are calling. my phone was never so silent. so say the word and i'll start harassing you via phone as well. tons of love to you!!!! xoxox, kristen

yobruno said...

if you are so inclined to read about my state of mind at 9 days past due...
http://tinyurl.com/6bk4lw

Amy said...

I'm sure you've gotten all the advice about spicy food, etc. to get things moving...I think I took for granted that I went early.

I've been struggling with some of the same thoughts about birthing recently - having found out that if we have another one, it probably isn't safe to deliver vaginally (Ripley and I had Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia - 80% chance to happen again).

Healthy baby is the goal and while we'd like to tell ourselves that how we get there doesn't matter, it does matter some when you wanted it to be a certain way. But maybe it stops mattering when the little one gazes into your eyes?