School Nurse

Being a school nurse can't be an easy job. You are not, after all, a doctor. You can't officially diagnose anyone with anything, but still have to call parents when you think someone might have something.

I got one of those calls today. It starts with "I have seen both Calvin and Spencer today..." Is it wrong of me to think "Ok, so who is the copy cat that saw a fun little distraction that got him out of class?"

She states Calvin is with her, and he has a red rash on the inside of his right elbow. Now, I know about this rash, and it's his eczema. We have been putting lotion and intermittent cortisone on it. He is such a dry skin kiddo. It runs rampant in my boys. So, I am still waiting to hear why this is a call-the-mom nursing encounter.

"Well, when Spencer was here earlier, he had a red spot on his arm as well. I am worried it might be ringworm." In my classic, least-caring-wife-and-mother MD manner, I tell her I will be happy to take a look at both of them when they come home tonight. This, of course, is not the answer they were looking for. "Well, they can't go back to class until treatment is started if it's ringworm." (And, by the way, who named this little infection? It's just fungus, like athletes foot, but on the body. Why would anyone ever call it worm-anything? 'Cause that's just gross.)

Ok, so I'm in the car and off to school. Grocery shopping for dinner will have to wait. I walk into the nurses office with Eucerin, Anti-fungal cream and Cortisone in my holster, ready to shoot. The boys bounce off the wall with how fabulous this day has become. So I say, "Spence, where is the problem on your arm?" And he points to his lemonade squeezer scar.

Now, this delectable little summer event was lost in the blogging dirth of early September, but our first (of two) ER visit for Spencer this summer was when he took a nasty chunk of skin out of his arm in a freak lemonade making accident. That's what you get for registering for some overly expensive Williams Sonoma shwag for your wedding that no one really needs. But that's a whole other post... Needless to say, if there is one thing I am 100% sure of in this world, it is this: That red spot is NOT ring worm. I can tell you that with both my MD's tied behind my back (ok, I only have one).

Cream placed, heads rubbed, boys shooed, mom exited, groceries bought.

Now the question is just how often these two little jokesters are going to play the School Nurse Lottery to see if they win the jackpot again.